In the Pursuit of Pain

Hello libHERation Tribe,

Even with sores, calluses and bloody cuts on the bottom of her feet, she still stands in truth, solidarity and pain for something bigger than herself.  She ascends upon the day each morning with the agony of hurt, sadness and anger in all parts of her body.  She desperately searches for a way out, a place that will rid her of the discomfort she’s been carrying for weeks, months, and unfortunately sometimes years.

Although scarred by the realities of a world that doesn’t have much sympathy for her needs.  She retreats and goes into hiding from the misery that’s choking the life out of her sweet and genuine soul.  She like most of us move in and out, about and around the obvious…yet not so obvious.  As women we carry insurmountable burdens without ever asking for assistance, help or a damn break.  It’s as if the words crossing our lips would burn with such intensity that we don’t even bother.

What’s causing us these sores and bloody cuts in life?  Could it be life itself, the decisions or lack thereof or maybe the people we have trusted along the way?  As women many of us clean up well.  We’re always well put together, polished, professional and poised for the tasks ahead.  However, for some strange reason, we haven’t figured out how to balance that thing.  You know that thing that has us all turned around at times.  Right, that thing called life, ambition, success, worth and love to name a few!

We give until it hurts.  We are ready in a moment’s notice to stop, drop and roll if it means being in a happy, fulfilling and productive relationship.  As women it’s in our nature to nurture and support the loved ones in our lives.  We look forward to sharing our space with that person who makes a bad day good and a good day great.

However, the facts are real.  More women earn college degrees than men even though we still earn less than them.  Today, women can do all the things men can do.  We even beat them at the number of heart attacks we suffer each year.  Women are twice as likely to experience depression as men.  Depression can happen at any age, but it’s most common in women from the ages of 40 to 59.  

I think we all get the picture as there’s no need to continue painting the reality that many of us face daily.  In this blog, I want to appeal to your logical and sensible side.  I want you; I want us all to begin naming those things that cause sores, calluses and pain in our lives.  The pain doesn’t have to be physical, I’m talking about all forms of discomfort…mental, emotional, and psychological and even spirit pain too.  How can we create the room to embrace the need to stop and take a moment for ourselves?  In what ways might we change our paradigm to incorporate daily renewal practices that afford us time to reflect, refuel and rejuvenate? 

Some of us are working for organizations that are hazardous to our health.  We continuously give to those that don’t deserve our time and talents.  We’re pouring into relationships that aren’t progressive.  As society has told us, if we’re not married by 30, then there’s something wrong with us.  So, we settle just to say we have a husband, fiancé, or boyfriend.  Then on the other hand, not staying home with our children and moving up the harsh corporate ladder is at times seen as neglect.

I don’t want anyone to leave this conversation thinking that it’s all doom and gloom.  I’m wanting these words to change the trajectory of how we operate and conduct business.  As women I want us to take better care of ourselves, so we can be around to love and care for those in our circles.  When things are getting out of hand at work, at home or within.  Stop!  Take a seat, breathe out loud and think about what’s happening and in what ways can you turn the tide.  Is it having some alone time to journal, taking a nap, going for a run or my favorite…having a cup of tea?  These forms of outlets should be infused within our days every week, just like work, cooking, and taking care of our other responsibilities.

If these things aren’t making the situations better, then as much as we might not want to, seeing a professional is completely awesome!  There are so many women suffering in silence, because of the stigma attached to asking for help.  I think we all know that asking for help is a better alternative.  Not only does it allow us the space to decompress and share with someone who is there to help and not judge.  But most importantly, it gives our sisters, daughters and sister-friends the courage to seek assistance without feeling like they’re alone.

Life is too short to carry the weight of the world without ever expecting someone to come and lighten the load.  As women we play very critical roles in a wide variety of arenas that extends outside of our families, jobs and communities.  We have to begin speaking to the issues, situations and people that make us sick…literally!  When we can identify the sources, we can then get the help needed.  To ensure that we’re not just treating the symptoms but we’re killing the disease!

In Love and libHERation,


Related Articles

Keeping Up With Me 2.0

Having the pleasure of working in Higher Education comes with a variety of experiences. At any given moment, I could be embracing a student in

Read More

What’s In A Name?

So, after my last blog I had a good friend call and asked. Why did your mother name you Tamara? Instantly, a huge smile came before me.

Read More


Mrs. Kearney was her name. She stood less than 5 feet tall, but was one of the most powerful teachers at school 80.

Read More

LibHERate with


My aim is to share with you the tools. kits, tricks and strategies I've spent thousands of dollars on, the numerous years in college and earning certifications; so you can be delibHERate about your life! The last greatest freedom is the freedom to decide. And today... you have decided to paddle your own canoe.